Santa Is Hiring

My hat goes off to Santa who's trying
to help this nation's unemployment situation.

Try Something New

People! Why are you so hung up on a Subway Footlong? Try something new this weekend.

Republican Loan Officer Makes His Rounds

Blog: Leander Jackie Grogan: Man-Made Disasters

Blog: Leander Jackie Grogan: Man-Made Disasters: "The thing about indigestion from hog maws, collard greens and corn bread is when you finally cut lose, you never know the full extent of th..."

Man-Made Disasters

The thing about indigestion from hog maws, collard greens and corn bread is when you finally cut lose, you never know the full extent of the damage.

Don't Get Laid Off (Part 7)

It’s Friday. Stay alert! Don’t get laid off!
The C4 Systems business unit of General Dynamics is scheduled to lay off 500 employees in the next two weeks. But most of the big wigs will end up keeping their jobs.
If they call you into the conference room, crank up your iphone, jump up on the table and start doing an epileptic style break-dance. Make sure you’ve loaded James Brown’s “I’m Mad, I Want Revenge” on there to convey the volatility of your mindset. If you work at a GD office in Canada, let out the mating call of the Yukon Bull Moose when you fall off the table. The upside is a moose stampede will keep the security guard busy downstairs. The downside is if one makes it to the conference room, he’s not going to wait until the wedding night to consummate the marriage.

You’re injured and crazy. But you still have a job, baby! Have them send your check directly to the psychiatric ward.

For more smooth moves against the man, go here:  http://www.groganbooks.com/layoffsEX.html

Don't Get Laid Off (Part 6)

It’s Friday! Stay Alert! Don’t Get Laid Off!

Cook County Health and Hospital System in Chicago passed a sales tax increase claiming to save jobs. But now they’re going to lay off 1800 workers anyway. They plan to hand out letters next week.
Express your love. If you work in the hospital, send the administrator some roses to show there are no hard feelings. But make sure the bouquet has the added beauty of yellow euphorbiaceae stems that cause temporary blurriness in the eyes. Borrow a couple of corpses from the morgue downstairs and park them outside his office. The security cameras will show he passed out letters to dead people.
You still have a job, baby!!!

Don't Get Laid Off (Part 5)

It's Friday. Stay alert! Don't get laid off.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg plans to chop $4.7 million from the fiscal 2012 budget and lay off a hundred workers at the New York Bronx Zoo. If you’re a zookeeper, working with the monkeys and gorillas, don’t wait until 2012. Start feeding them steroids right now. Check with Barry Bonds’ manager for the good stuff. Mayor Bloomberg might not listen to you. But he’ll damn sure listen to King Kong.

What's So Intoxicating About Power?

Okay, you're sitting there like a frog on a log asking for mercy when you could've transferred a couple million to a Swiss account, slipped out of town at midnight and called it a day.

After a decade in office, Former Ivory Coast President Gbagbo refused to give up power after he lost the election. Let's not bring up the national rule which states you can only hold office five years. Now he's been arrested and will probably be executed. What's so intoxicating about power?

Don't Get Laid Off (Part 4)

It's Friday. Stay alert! Don't get laid off.

Houston’s Mayor and City Council have announced the layoff of 238 firefighters in 45 days. Laying off firefighters? Unbelievable.  If they go through with the vote, the least they could do is come by the fire station to thank little Sparky for his many years of dedicated service as fire engine mascot.

When they get inside, let them know because of budget cuts, you had to get rid of little Sparky and bring in two temps. Lock the door behind you so the group can get better acquainted.

More funny stuff, go here: http://www.groganbooks.com/gundownonlyEX.html

Blog: Leander Jackie Grogan: Don't Get Laid Off (Part 3)

Blog: Leander Jackie Grogan: Don't Get Laid Off (Part 3): "It's Friday. Stay alert! Don't get laid off. If you work for LOWE'S, word is they've already started a program to lay off 1700 store manage..."

Don't Get Laid Off (Part 3)

It's Friday. Stay alert! Don't get laid off.
If you work for LOWE'S, word is they've already started a program to lay off 1700 store managers nationwide. If you're a manager, you have the authority to demote yourself. Take a big blue marks-a-lots and write Assistant on your badge. Then get on one of those forklifts and lift yourself to the top shelf behind the lumber. Try to get the keg of Miller Lite up there first.

Don't come out until Monday.

Don't Get Laid Off (Part 2)

It’s Friday. Stay alert. Don't get laid off.
Rumor has it Best Buy had started laying off members of the Geek Squad. If you're already driving around in one of those little bugs, don't go back to the store. Head straight for the Mexican border. You can sell that bug without a title there and have a belly full of tequila and tacos before they pick you up.

Why Didn't President Obama Send Senior Citizens

I don't like the idea that President Obama didn't let any senior citizens go on that raid. We got suped-up scooters that can blister up to 20 miles per hour. And some seniors in the South can spit chewing tobacco ten feet in a straight line which could've blinded at least one of bin laden's body guards.

Oh yeah, AARP is going to hear about this.

We Hope To Lose You As A Customer

Excerpt from my small business book to be released this summer. Trying to be the low cost price leader in the marketplace is very difficult.

Ever wonder why the waitress keeps coming over to your table asking if you want anything else? If the restaurant is built on a low cost provider strategy, profitability is based on the high turnover of each table, meaning the longer you si...t there tying up a table, sipping on coffee, the greater the chances are the dollar volume assigned to that table will not be realized. Perhaps, the table needs to turn twenty meals a day at an average cost of $18 per meal, and there you are reading the newspaper and mulling over a two dollar cup of coffee. Somebody please pull the fire alarm.

I Ant Hungry No More

When we think about the enticing aroma and succulent flavor of grilled shrimp or fried oysters or butter-based lobster, our mouths began to water. But what about ant eggs in the Mexico dish known as escamoles, or a paste of the green weaver ants served in Burma as a condiment with curry, or the translucent, sweet taste of North Queensland’s blue ants, mashed up in water. Yummy!

Excerpts from Hospital Scene in Baby, Put That Gun Down

These women are crazy out here. No appreciation for a strong black man. I never thought my Double-Dumplings would go berserk like that; a good Christian woman from the peaceful town of Sandy Springs, Georgia. The Bible says turn the other cheek, not slash mine. I’m just lucky her brother stopped by her condo when he did.

These three weeks of rehabilitation and psychoanalytic healing at Grady Hospital in Atlanta have helped me to cope with the scares of an abusive relationship with Double-Dumplings. Now it’s just a matter of coping with that $7500 bill they said I needed to pay before I can go home.

Down here in Georgia, they don’t seem to realize the new Obama-care law inhibitates such outrageous charges against a person of my meager status. Here’s what I told that hair-lip woman from the billing office with that big clipboard and all those forms.

“I’m a forty-one year old highly intellectualized legal prodigy from St Louis, Missouri, the show-it-all, know-it-all state. I’m tall and handsome and spoken of in whispers. And yes, I still have a jheri-curl and one half-moon gold tooth in remembrance of our great civil rights struggles during the 60’ and 70’s. I’m a bonafide graduate of Meramec Community College night classes. And I know my rights. The 111^th Congress House of Representatives Bill HR 3962 prohibits the willful gouging and degeneration of underprivileged patients such as myself. But in the spirit of cooperation, I won’t report you to the government if you don’t report me to the credit bureau.”

I was talking loud like Auntee Gussie use to do at the department store when she was trying to return an item that was two or three years old. It puts pressure on the reciprocal party and forces them to take action whether they want to or not. So far, the only action they’ve taken here at Grady Hospital is put me on an old Army cot they brought up from the basement, and cut my rationings down to one meal a day.

I mean, this is a semi-private room, alright. But SEMI don’t give them the right to make me spend my last day in a corner on a broken down Army cot.

I could understand if there were a bunch of patients coming in all at once and room space was tight ... like when my mother took us to visit Uncle Freeman in Mississippi, and somebody brought a pot of bad hog maws to the church picnic. Since there was no hospital, we all ended up being rush to the same little country clinic at the same time. Since the town doctor was also the veterinarian, we had to share a room with sick goats, dogs, and parakeets, not to mention a bunch of old people passing bad, Nazi-death-camp gas. But at least there was a reason for our constricted misery. What reason did Grady Hospital have for downgrading my hospitality and relegating me to an Army cot in the corner?

Getting To The Bottom Of Atlanta's Complex History

Finding the exact location of the historical marker commemorating the peace treaty President Jimmy Carter negotiated with the Confederate Army might be a little tricky; almost as tricky as convincing a double-dealing, gun-running, pot-peddling, throat-slashing woman’s motorcycle gang that the secret archives of Mother Teresa makes them direct descendent of Louis XIV’s half-brother, Winston Churchill, the great leader who helped to end World War III.

Leander Jackie Grogan’s new novel, Baby, Put That Gun Down, introduces Attorney Bobby Felton Frazier’s wacky, quick-humored roller coaster ride over the Georgia Pines, through the Louisiana Cajun-infested swamps, and into the awaiting arms of the notorious Honey Ho motorcycle gang. After being shot, cut and scaled with hot grits by his former fiancé, that all he needs is another dose of domestic violence from some Harley Davis ding wits.  They might keep things simple and mow him down with an AK-47; or even worse, choke him to death with a yard of tongue. Women have the prerogative to choose their own form of torture.

“In all my books, I try to make sure there are multiple sub-plots undergirding the precarious, unpredictable characters in the storyline,” says Grogan. “When readers (especially Baby Boomers) meet Shaft’s white step-daddy, the one-eyed monkey, and the 300-pound Joe Millionaire bride, they’ll realize this book passes the litmus test with flying colors.”

In the end, the story is about the awkward quest for companionship in a contemporary world of disappointing relationships, and the ultimate reward of finding love in the eye of the storm. Every reader that has loved and lost and even won in the eHarmony, Match.com crapshoot called dating will see the flickering light of hope beckoning them to open their heart and climb aboard the old romance bus one more time.

Excerpts are available at: http://www.groganbooks.com/gundownPress.html

Don't Get Laid Off

A lot of dedicated, hard-working people are getting laid off because they’re not employing good defensive tactics. If they call you into a conference room where everybody’s sitting at the table with a stern look and big yellow legal tablets in their hands, don’t sit down. Break out and start running. If they can’t catch you, they can’t fire you.

At home, don’t sign for any certified letters; don’t answer the door or the phone. Until they can catch you, you still got a job. You rackin’ up hours, baby!

Sprint Smartphone Know-It-Alls

 As a respected senior citizen, I don't like it when some smarty-pants salesman tries to tell me about my cell phone. I'm the one who paid my hard earned money for it. The only thing I don't understand is why they sent me this push button phone with the little keypad. I thought I ordered the one with the rotary dial that came in the same color as my beeper.

Kids Ready For The Current US Congress

When I listen to these kids and then the debates going on in the US Congress, these kids are making a whole lot more sense.

http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/twin-baby-boys-have-in-depth-discussion/20dj32ji?src=OverlayPlayer:share:facebook&from=sharepermalink-facebook

Twitter Trickery

I jumped on Twitter to support this new Baby, Put That Gun Down book launch. But I'm too old to get all of my thoughts out in 140 characters. Plus, I don't know whether I'm following or being followed.

I'm going to search the internet for a senior citizen Twitter where you can drag the conversation out for days.